How… (in the world), Do You Move On From Disappointment?

Have you ever been disappointed by someone close to you?  I’m not talking about full out betrayal’s… an, “excuse me, can you turn around so I can jab this knife in your back,” kind of thing.  I’m talking about someone significant in your life letting you down…gently, almost accidentally, without any meaning of direct harm to you personally.  But, its’ still hurtful and discouraging, regardless of intent.  It kinda’ stinks really.

Why does this happen sometimes?  Maybe because you’re not on the same page; a miscommunication of some kind, or when one assumes thought or action for another individual, or when there’s a difference in goals or direction.  Maybe one person veers away from what was previously agreed upon; possibly views or beliefs change, or just plain bad choices were made that we all make sometimes.  Uuggh!!  There’s probably a billion more reasons…but writing out the possible ‘why’s’ seem equally as frustrating as the disappointment itself!

I’ve DEFINITELY been there!  I think we all have.  And, I’m not going to go into disappointment detail, since the WHO and WHY are not nearly as important as the HOWHow do we deal? That’s WHAT this life is! Its’ figuring a way around, through, and over life’s obstacles,  disappointments, and challenges while we are encouraged and motivated in between with life’s joys and blessings.  The tools we use to conquer and come out on the other side stronger, wiser, and STILL HERE are crucial components to our “life survival pack”.   How can we move forward from being let down by someone we love?  THERE IS THE QUESTION!  AND THERE IS AN ANSWER!

…Jesus.  You’re welcome.  Til’ next time, be blessed!… 😉 Just kidding, sort of.

H O W ?

rustic broken heart

I see the “how” process as broken into separated pieces; as I, myself have recently been sifting through the pieces, trying to fit them together to make some sense of my own disappointment.  Each piece needs to snap into the other, one at a time, making the puzzle whole; creating a bigger picture that makes sense.  The first piece is in the acknowledgement of hurt. This sets the process of grief in motion, along with the rebuilding of a broken heart.  You have to allow yourself to let the disappointment be named, giving it a place in your life as part of the story. This is how we use it to our betterment; adding to our success story, and bringing us closer to Him.

1- Get sad   2- Get confused   3- Get angry   4- Get real

When we get sad, we are acknowledging the hurt and morning the loss of something we previously thought was there.  Something we thought was solid and true. (I.E., a friendship, a job, a position, a dependency, a trust, a point of view, a goal, etc.)

When I say, ‘get confused’, I don’t mean to throw your hands up in the air saying, “Welp, that’s it. No clue.  Its’ useless in trying to figure this one out.”  What I mean is to ask questions, converse toward clarity.  You can review past experience, behavior, and conversations to try and get a better feel about how this came about and why.  Its’ not a guarantee that you will find the answers, or that the answer may suit your piece of mind at all, but its’ important to explore the possible answers to identify the point of divergence in the road with communication or goals or whatever it is.

Getting mad is natural, expected, and good.  It is part of the process in releasing the hurt and pain.  You’re angry that what you thought was true, actually isn’t!  You’re angry that you now have to adjust to this new truth!  You’re angry that your new truth is not what you want to be true…its’ not what you planned on, or invested in, or value in any way!

Now GET REAL.  This is THE most important tool in your “life survival pack”!  Without this key component you are most likely going to hold on (for dear life) to one of the other steps in this process of moving on.  You’re going to get sad…and stay sad.  You might move on to the confusion and stay confused, never getting the sad-house-coloring-pageanswers you’re after.  You may skip really fast to getting really angry, and stay there.  Trust that you do NOT want to live sad, mad, or confused.  These places only build a barrier against those joys and blessings I mentioned that blossom in between or even amongst the challenges that are major in motivating us and encouraging us in beautiful ways.

This is total destruction and the exact opposite of what is intended for us in this life:

James 1:2-4
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

We need to see the trials we face as a sort of refinement or equipping process. Only God can use the sometimes terrible, awful, hurtful, disappointing trials in our life as a means of bringing us closer to Him while making us stronger, wiser, more gracious,  patient, faithful, and merciful.  We have to give Him permission to allow the transformation.  He won’t force it on us!

The GET REAL phase is also the place for decision and for action.  You decide based on beliefs and on what you hold most valuable to you what your next step should be.  It is imperative that you do not make any decisions of finality in the sad, confused, or mad stages.  Doing so would be relying on feelings alone to decide the fate of your predicament.  You might cut out a friendship or relationship that you regret later, or quit a job when just a straight forward conversation with your boss was necessary, you might vow to never do x, y, or z again that you eventually break, etc.  Feelings are fleeting, ever changing, unreliable, and NEVER permanent.  This may take days, weeks, months even, but you will NEVER regret waiting until all your emotions have been cycled and dealt with before you make some logical, faith based decisions, boundaries, moves, or adjustments in regards to the person who hurt you.

After accepting its’ real place in your life and go through all the emotions God has supplied us with as a means to mange the obstacles we face, I encourage you to see yourself as “more mature” and “more complete”; having persevered by faith.  That’s what God’s desire is!  To use our life; our every day, and our extraordinary experiences to transform us into something more like the image of God, more like Jesus who modeled for us everything we all so desperately want to be near.  (Whether we realize this or not.) And the goal is not to end there with you…the natural progression of this kind of transformation spreads.  This kind of love is contagious!

heart-puzzle-1158384

The more I experience…the more I live, the more I realize and am comforted by the fact that my God is always there, with me, residing in me, and guiding me. Isaiah 46:4 says, “I have made you, I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” He is and always will be the unfailing beacon I can look to and rely on for all things…especially in times of disappointment and regret! It cannot get any more real than that.

SPREAD THE LOVE

Til’ next time, be blessed!!!
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