I’m Starting To Take This Personally…

Ok.  Enough is enough.  “I’m starting to take this personally,” is what I said to my sister when she called to see if Josh and I decided where to celebrate my upcoming birthday (on Valentine’s Day).   “What?” She asked confused.  “What are you starting to take personally?”

This is probably the most embarrassing…most frustrating sentence I’ve ever had to say or to write and especially to post for the world to see! … and, I shouldn’t say “anywhere”, but at least all the places I’m choosing to apply.

I’ve been waiting tables for close to 20 years.  Never, ever, never have I had a problem finding a job.  The scenario goes like this:  I pick a restaurant I want to work at (preferably one that is busy with higher check averages), I walk into the chosen restaurant, I ask for an application, I sit down and fill out said application, I ask to speak to a manager when I’m finished, they usually interview me right then and there, and then hire me.  Easy peasy.  So, you can imagine my dismay and confusion when time after time, restaurant after restaurant, it doesn’t pan out!

“We’ll keep your application on file and give you a call when something comes up, “.  Translation: “We will stick this in a drawer or a file folder or the trash and never call you, ever.”

“Our hiring manager isn’t in right now, you should call back on ____ day and ask to speak with them.”  Translation: “You should call back, but when you do, the manager in question will be too busy to take your call and never call you back; regardless of how many times you call.”

“We’ll give you a call at the end of the week to set something up or to tell you if you got the job.”  Translation: “We will not being calling you at all, and we really hope you don’t call us or show up here again.”

What is happening??  I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone!  I have experience, I’m well spoken, I can spiff up when I want to and peel out of my yoga pants ;),  I have a college education, I have fantastic references…what is the deal?!?!!?!

The only thing I can do at this point is keep trying and hopefully, something will come through eventually.  I have been extremely blessed that I’ve been able to stay home with the wee ones for the past year, getting us all settled in to our new life up north.  I had hoped on being settled in the red house before I started looking for a job, BUT, life doesn’t always go as planned.  The good thing is that while living with my mom, I have a pretty ready available sitter when need be!

So, life, you temperamental companion, you’ve thrown another curve ball!  Now my task is to see how I can use this to my benefit and also try to consider how God might be seeing the predicament as a means to bring me closer to Him.

We are, in this journey, all thrown curve balls from time to time.  The severity of the curve varies, for sure, but I believe it is essential to personal growth and success that we approach the wierd, heartbreaking, frustrating, hurtful, or confusing turns with the knowledge that each one has the capacity to turn broken into beautiful.  I try not to look at these obstacles as a force bringing me down or pushing me further from where I imagined I would be.  But it’s so easy to do this, isn’t it?  Because you feel the push, you feel the slide, you see your goal slipping further into the horizon.

The disappointment of my recent job search “failings” have definitely come with feelings of embarrassment, confidence loss, uncertainty, and inadequacies.  And because those are the natural thoughts and feelings that come from experiencing disappointment, it seems so right to hang on to them; making them a defining part of who I am.  UNTIL, I check those feelings and thoughts against the kind of life that God has planned for me.

Psalm 138:3 says, “In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.”  He gives us a way to grow confident and gain strength, even when we thought those things were an impossibility!  When the drowning thoughts and feelings come washing in like the tide, threatening to pull me out to an endless sea of doubt, my prayers to God remind me that I am so loved and there is always a way to shore with Him.

And, of course, our family’s favorite verse…we’ve taken this verse as our personal marching orders.  Josh has this tattooed on his arm, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13).  When things are down, stacked against me, and I feel like my strength is gone, I have to remind myself that there is an endless pouring out of strength I can rely on through Christ!  It is His wish for me that I push through the disappointment, pain, or struggle leading the a way to regaining a full life of purpose.


I am reserved for so much more!

I don’t know how I always manage to forget this life saving stuff!  Especially in the moment where it could do most good.  I think that’s why prayer is most helpful.  It encourages my mind to slow, and my heart to open, leading me to something better.  This blog has actually been an outlet, like prayer, where God has revealed so much to me through the words I write.

After a few attempts of gaining employment I said to Josh, “Don’t you think its’ because I’m getting old?  I walk in, try to get a job, and they’re like, ‘We can’t hire this aging, mom server!  We want someone young and spritely and free!'”  Then my loving husband said, “Well, you are pretty old.  But I doubt they say ‘spritely’.”  Then  my head whips around, with accusing lasers shooting from my eyes; quickly disarmed by that look he gives me when I’m talking crazy.  At least I can always count on him to let me know when I’m being irrational.

The point of this tale of woe, is to take the woe from the tale and replace with possibility! Tale of wonder, tale of promise, tale of potential!  When you believe the trying times are a means to an end of something better, of making you stronger, bringing you closer to Him, or preparing you for something yet to come, the sharp, unexpected turns in the road seem to straighten out some way or another.

Til’ next time, be blessed!
(Please share and re-post!  Thank you so much for reading!)